i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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