Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize