Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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