The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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