the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
