He kissed a someone with a penis
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
