oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
