i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize