if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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