someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
