I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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