She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
