escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
