I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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