I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
she smelled like a LAN party
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
