Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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