dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
