And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
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I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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