I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
