he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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