tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
