I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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