Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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