I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
