i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
