and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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