I can tuck mytits in my pants
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
