office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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