you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
