Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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