When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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