JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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