she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
