My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
