Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
