Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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