Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
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I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
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Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize