what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
