I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize