I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
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Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
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i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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