I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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