I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
