Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
