Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
