Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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