i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
