That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
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There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
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Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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