he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
