did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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