There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize