there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
