Just cropdusted the office
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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