Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
This beer is not sobering me up at all
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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