yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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