We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
