If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
