It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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