The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize