return my video game
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
