mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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