So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
