Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
you inspire me to be a worse person
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
