There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
