sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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