I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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